My First Spam Email for My Translated Novel

I probably shouldn't rely on Google's AI for much, because AI is inherently stupid. Oh, it tries to sound smart; that's how it fools you. But AI doesn't employ critical thinking skills. If it did, it would tell author scammers in no uncertain terms not to use foreign book title translations when trying to bilk an author, because that might raise doubts about the scammer's sincerity.

I try to check my email spam folder from time to time, because legitimate emails are sometimes plopped in there, and also because I'm often bored and can't think of anything interesting to do.

Here's a fun one:

 

"Dear April,

In fuga da se stessa stands out to me not simply because it is a novel about a singer rebuilding her life, but because of the way you place identity, second chances, and the courage to reclaim yourself inside such an honest and deeply felt journey.

Leah Branch is a character readers will follow anywhere. A woman on the verge of ruining her music career with a humiliating assignment, who watches her dream fade and sets out to start over far from music, only to find herself drawn to the small town of Chance, Wyoming, thinking she will stay one night and instead deciding it will be her home forever...." (blah blah blah ~ more blurb excerpts).

"I would genuinely like to know more about your journey with In fuga da se stessa. What have you already done to introduce the book to readers, and what would you most like it to accomplish from here?" 

I didn't even know this was the Italian translation, since my novel's been translated into five different languages and I'm not multilingual.

I mean, is the above message disrespectful of my heritage or what? That doesn't bode well for our future working relationship.

My response, per Google Translator:

Cara Elizabeth, 

grazie per il tuo messaggio. Tuttavia, noto che tutto, a eccezione del titolo del mio libro, è stato scritto in inglese. Ciò offende la mia sensibilità italiana. 

Nutro seri dubbi sulla possibilità di collaborare con te, dato che non ti sei rivolta a me nella mia lingua madre. Trovo che sia un comportamento molto irrispettoso. Lavoro duramente nei vigneti tutto il giorno e, al mio rientro a casa, mi ritrovo davanti a una cosa del genere; come se la mia giornata non fosse già abbastanza estenuante. Ho i piedi doloranti e la testa che mi pulsa. L'unica cosa che desidero è diventare un autore famoso per poter finalmente fuggire da questo inferno di uva, e per riuscirci ho bisogno dell'aiuto di persone come te. 

Elizabeth, mi duole dirlo, ma hai fallito. Forse, in futuro, faresti meglio a occuparti esclusivamente di autori anglofoni. Loro, quantomeno, capirebbero cosa intendi comunicare.

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your message. However, I see that everything except my book title was written in English. This offends my Italian sensibilities.

I am doubtful that I would be able to work with you, since you failed to address me in my native language. I find this very disrespectful. I work hard in the vineyards all day, and then I come home to find this, as if my day wasn't already exhausting enough. My feet ache and my head is throbbing. All I'm trying to do is become a famous author so I can escape this grape hellhole, and I depend on people like you to lend me a hand.

Elizabeth, I'm sorry to say you've failed. Perhaps you should only deal with Anglo authors in the future. At least they would know what it is you're trying to convey.

And...sent!

Yes, I'm bored, yet surprisingly invigorated. 

Can't wait to find out if "she" will at least ask AI to spit out an Italian version of her response. Which she really should have done in the first place.