I Was Reading Blurb Tips...

 (Yes, I use a lot of The Office memes. I love The Office.)

Believe it or not, there's more than one professional blurb writer out there. Of course you know that, but I stumbled across one with his own perspective about a week ago, and it's always good to get a second opinion on anything.

You can find Morgan Clasper here, and you can also download a free copy of his "The Blurb Puzzle". I was already a subscriber to Jessie Cunniffe's emails, and oddly, all blurb writers appear to reside in the southern hemisphere (in these two cases, New Zealand and Australia). Maybe they just take matters more seriously there. Kidding.

Morgan's latest email lays out the overall formula for constructing a blurb. Makes total sense; however, rather than my blurb not fitting my story, I think my story doesn't lend itself to a proper blurb.

1. Step One is distilling the story into a 1-2 sentence elevator pitch. Perfect if the story is dramatic, like a thriller; not so perfect when trying to convey the essence of the story when there isn't necessarily an essence. How does "Leah Branch doesn't know what she wants" sound? Breathtaking! But seriously, it would be something like, "Leah Branch's dream of stardom becomes a nightmare". Maybe. It really isn't a nightmare, but "dissatisfying" is kind of weasel-y. "Dissatisfying" could mean she doesn't have time to clean her house properly, so she considers hiring a service. Or she's sick of all her decent work clothes being in the hamper, so she vows to do laundry more than once a month. 

2. The opening paragraph needs to introduce the MC and want she wants, plus introduce the inciting incident. Leah doesn't have a clue what she wants; maybe just a peaceful life. How does that grab you? Scintillating. As for the inciting incident? Which one? The first one? My novel has a few, but the biggest one happens late in the story--when she runs away from her record contract. That would pretty much give away the whole plot, though. Why would anyone bother to read the book? (Oops--spoiler alert, I guess.)

3. Introduce the obstacle. Well, the obstacle is herself. Hence, the title. "Leah is paralyzed with indecision". How's that? The best I can do is, "Leah goes along with everyone's decisions, instead of standing up for herself." 

4. Escalate tension and end on a cliffhanger. Uh, I got nothin'. Things happen; a bunch of things that all lead to her final decision. Tension works great in a thriller; not so great for my genre. There's no ticking clock or daring escape. My cliffhanger is, is she ever going to make up her mind?

5. Call to Action. Well, that's pretty straightforward, unless I'm supposed to use clever phrases for "buy my book". 

No offense to Morgan, but I doubt even he could come up with a compelling blurb for this novel. Don't get me wrong; the story is great. When I say a bunch of things happen, they do. Interesting things. Unexpected things. Kind of hard to convey in 300 words. (Jessie advises 150-180).

Following the above advice, here's how my new blurb (hypothetically) plays out:

Will Leah Branch finally stand up for herself?

Leah Branch is a failed singer who abandons her dream and takes to the road. When a record deal lands in her lap, her world is turned upside down.

But the label has its own plans for her, plans she knows are wrong. If she finds her voice, though, her entire future could crumble.

She feels the walls closing in. The face in the mirror is that of a stranger. One more demoralizing assignment becomes more than she can bear. That's when Leah makes a drastic move.

Step inside the world of corporate music and witness its not-so-glamorous side. Buy Running From Herself to find out what it takes for Leah to reclaim her hidden soul.

You know, it's not that bad, really. The opening sucks. The rest is possibly compelling. Am I going to replace my current blurb with this? Nah. That ship has already sailed. This was just an exercise, a quest to determine where I've gone wrong.

But for any authors out there, you might want to give this process a spin. It definitely shortens things! The above is only 124 words!

The truth about publishing is, you can hire a book designer, where your biggest contributions are either "yes" or "no" or "can you change...to...?" You can hire an editor if you can afford one, then follow along with his or her recommendations. You can choose your own book categories and keywords, which at the most would take a day (if you're the indecisive type).

A blurb, though? Holy cow. You can compose a blurb, trash it, start over, trash that one, start over again...and again and again, and never be satisfied. Everyone says that writing a blurb is much tougher than writing a book. THIS IS TRUE. So, if you've got the spare change, farm the process out to a professional. But you still might hate the result. Then where do you go?

It's too late for me, but my advice would be: study, study, study. Digest all the tips, then start practicing with the process that gets your creative juices flowing. Above all, be patient and don't settle for "good enough". Good enough gets you nowhere.