Hayden Panettiere

Rarely do I discuss music here. This is a self-publishing blog, and I actually have a dedicated music blog. But because I've been immersed in the world of female country singers for over a year, writing about Hayden Panettiere seemed appropriate. 

Panettiere's death hit me hard. I'm not one to obsess over celebrities; shudder the thought. But this woman's clear vulnerability always stabbed my heart. Even in interviews where she was ostensibly happy, her eyes proved otherwise.

By all accounts, Hayden Panettiere was a lovely person, always treating even the "little guys" with respect and talking to them out of genuine interest. A Hollywood child star growing up lavished with attention would normally be just the opposite--entitled, haughty; someone who prohibited regular people from even making eye contact with her.  

I watched the TV series "Nashville" faithfully, until it turned patently ridiculous, a sad ending for a good drama. When ABC dropped it and it was picked up by CMT, I subscribed to Hulu just to be able to continue following the story. Never having seen any of Hayden's movies (that I'm aware of) nor watching the super-hero series "Heroes", I was completely unfamiliar with her. And while her Nashville character started out as hateful, it was nice to see the writers allow her to evolve and play to the actress's strengths (again, the vulnerability). 

My unfamiliarity kept me from knowing that she was a natural singer. I remember thinking as I watched some of her scenes that the producers really coaxed a great performance out of a non-singer. (That was completely true of her co-star Connie Britton, who even with a lot of coaching, was barely convincing.) 

But throughout it all, even an actress like Panettiere couldn't act her way out of her own real sadness. It made us want to protect her. I'm sorry that life was so unfair to her. I'm sorry that her stage mother ruined her. Maybe Hayden fought through all that until she could no longer fight.

Over a year ago, when I was assembling a Spotify playlist to accompany my novel, I included this song, whose lyrics are sadly defiant. I wish the title had actually worked out for her.