A Fun Email I Received
Unlike an author's Substack I once inexplicably subscribed to, I rarely talk about my scam emails. Unlike this unnamed author, I don't post about them every other day or publish a book featuring them all, but to each his own. We authors receive these messages every day, and lots of 'em. It's frankly boring. Try harder, scammers! Entertain me!
Usually I delete them, unopened. But I'm rather protective of one of my non-author email accounts, so when a scam email pops up there, I'm ready to rumble.
This one, with the subject line, "Smith" (?) stated:
I would like you to create a premium Editorial Review page in HTML for
the book Agebreaker: The Twofold Covenant by Daniel Kaczmarek.
The
Editorial Review should be inspired by the book's cover design and
overall theme, creating a visually stunning, immersive, and highly
engaging experience. The goal is to make the page feel like a
professional landing page rather than a standard book description.
Requirements: * Design the page to match the atmosphere, mystery, adventure, and epic scale of the story.
* Make the author highly visible and prominently featured throughout the page.
* Create a strong emotional connection with visitors as soon as they arrive.
* Use compelling headlines, persuasive copy, and powerful hooks that immediately capture attention.
* Include premium visual effects, animations, hover effects, parallax sections, and smooth transitions.
* Add relevant fantasy-themed illustrations, image sections, and visual storytelling elements that complement the narrative.
* Use eye-catching colors, modern typography, and a cinematic layout.
* Structure the page to feel immersive, engaging, and professionally designed.
* Highlight the key benefits and selling points of the book.
* Create a sense of curiosity, urgency, wonder, and emotional investment.
* Make visitors feel drawn into Erik Berg's journey through time and ancient civilizations.
* Ensure the page looks premium, captivating, and conversion-focused for Amazon customers.
* The final design should encourage readers to purchase the book and explore more works from the author.
Book Information
Title: In the Grey (Alex the Fey thriller series Book 5)
Author: Claudia Hall Christian Book Cover:https://m.media-amazon.
Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/Grey-
Profile picture:https://www.amazon.
Book Description
An infrasound
(Yes, that's where it ended.)
I'm not redacting the two authors' names, because they hired this moron. They likely assumed he (smithemmanuelq@gmail.com) was going to do actual work for them, not pawn the job off on AI. (So, we're tripling up on stupid here.) I did remove the hyperlinks, because they certainly don't deserve any free publicity.
Smith is what we call a lazy scammer who lacks attention to detail. While he certainly meant to type this prompt into his AI program, instead he pasted it in an email and shot it off to me.
Naturally, I'm slow coming up with witty comebacks, so I just responded, "You want me to do what?" Sadly, he didn't reply.
What I should have said was, sure, I can do that, but it's gonna cost you.
Now, all I know about editorial reviews is based on the two I received for my novel, but I do know that they don't include graphics. Are reviewers supposed to be artists now, too? "Smith" first tells me to write an editorial review, but then he changes it to "more like a landing page". So confusing, Smith! You're piling a lot of tasks on me and you haven't even mentioned how much you're willing to pay!
Hey, I'm more than willing to write an editorial review. True, I don't have any credentials, but neither does AI. The sticking point is HTML. I don't know HTML. Also, my graphic artist skills are non-existent.
And not to be a stickler for propriety, but a request such as his should not start out with, "I would like you to..." Where's the "please", Smith? You're not my boss! Wholly unprofessional.
In all seriousness, these two authors should know that this is something they could do themselves (with AI, but whatever). Why are they paying this guy? I don't like it, and I don't even know them. That said, Claudia is semi-popular and is repped by a publishing company, so she should know better. Daniel, on the other hand, has a career much like mine:
Both of them have professionally designed websites, whereas I created my own. But Daniel could use some help that Smith isn't able to provide. His website contains some placeholders that either his designer or he neglected to personalize:
I'm not picking on him. Some writers lead busy lives and publishing isn't their main focus. Still, if he's willing to pay for a guy to create a landing page-slash-editorial review (?), he obviously cares about success. The above blunder doesn't help. Also his posted reviews don't require an AI interpretation. Just post the reviews.
This stuff matters. Readers dislike AI as much as authors do. Obviously I'm no expert, but I am mindful of little details. Self-published authors are solely responsible for portraying a professional image, and over-reliance on non-human assistance never ends well.
As for me, I blew it. I should have sent Smith a proposal--I'm thinking $500.00 would be a reasonable charge for my services, but I lost my chance.
Live and learn. The next time a moron accidentally contacts me, I'll be ready.
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