Writers' Delusions

While there's much that can be learned about writing, the cornerstone of it is talent. Talent can't be taught; you either have it or you don't. Being bereft of talent doesn't mean a writer can't write a good book; he or she just needs to compensate. 

I have a few natural talents, but they matter to no one, not even to me. Dumb little things, like noticing when a picture is slightly off-kilter on the wall. I also have really nice handwriting. Unfortunately, that talent is not in high demand. Bummer.

Then there's having "a little" talent. In the writing field, that could mean devising an interesting premise, but not possessing the follow-through skills to turn it into an interesting novel.  

For me, this is comparable to my people skills. When I was a boss or a trainer, employees felt comfortable with me. I was a great listener and an empathizer. Sadly, I'm not so much an interesting person. I'm a reactor, not an actor. Maybe my writing strength with dialogue is analogous, because a conversation involves reacting. I've had a lot of experience with that.

I chose to get into writing because I love writing. Always have. Do what you love---isn't that what's preached to us constantly? I used to (a long, long time ago) love bowling. I was "good" at it, but I don't think I ever scored over 125. Still, it was fun, just like writing is fun. But I never tried to join the professional circuit.

It's a unique conceit with every writer that they feel confident they can join the professional circuit. I don't know why that is. Delusion? Some literary agents report receiving up to 150 queries per day. Imagine how bad most of those queries are. (I don't have to imagine. I have experience submitting bad queries.) I think maybe when starting out, we discover that the mechanics of writing aren't that difficult. String sentences together in a sensical way, i.e., not a schizophrenic way, keep one eye on the plot at all times, and voila, you've got yourself a novel.

Even with that, it was never easy for me. Research told me that in my genre, 80,000 words was the drop-dead bottom to even get an agent to consider my work. That was my downfall. I padded---I had to. Padding = a bad story. A bad story = instant rejection. I rationalized that "maybe the agent will overlook that". Delusional.

I wasn't ready to submit. Not even close. But nine years later, I still wouldn't be ready to submit. Setting aside the politics of agents, my work is still missing that important component, natural talent. Again, that doesn't mean I can't write a "good" story. Running From Herself is a good story; most of my novellas are good stories. 

Talent isn't capturable. A person can study for years and years, get a lock on the basics, do lots and lots of practice, and still, talent doesn't magically manifest itself. 

And talent can be opaque. I've subscribed to enough (too many) Substack accounts, some that are popular, and I don't get it. The articles are mediocre at best. Because I now have so many subscriptions, I open each email and find myself skimming. Occasionally, one will make me stop and read it all the way through, but that's the exception. Mostly, no one is saying anything. The writers have the fundamentals down; they just don't build on them. Just like me.

Based on my lack of readership/feedback, I assumed my articles were too opinionated. Maybe they're just boring. I liked them or I wouldn't have posted them, but I can be too easily impressed with myself. I grade myself on a curve. "This one is far better than the last one! I'll give it an A."

Delusion.

Is trying and not winning worth it? I think so, if it's something you love doing. But too many people, like me, take things too far. I feel bad (really, I do) for writers in Goodreads groups who bemoan that no one is buying their memoir. Or their fantasy novel. They try and try, not even close to how much I've tried, but I've been around the block longer, and I know about all the (useless) marketing avenues. All they and I need is that one break. That'll do it! One influential person to read it and (naturally) like it and recommend it to their social circle, and there you go! It's a hit!

We need to let that go. Just write if we like writing, and let that be our reward. Post something about our book one time; see if anyone bites, but don't fall into a depression if no one does. About 1% of queries are even accepted by literary agents, and that's only a first step. How many of those manuscripts even get sold to a publisher?

I've begun taking an honest assessment of my writing talent and lack thereof. I believe I can be "good enough"; good enough to self-publish, certainly. Good enough to not be embarrassed by my work. I've decided to celebrate my strengths and be realistic about my weaknesses. Everyone's got weaknesses, even prize-winning writers. I bet no author has ever said, "I'm 100% happy with my book." There's always a niggling doubt about something, something that's not quite right. 

A talentless bum like me had better find the joy in writing, or else I'll need to quit. I don't want to quit.