Authors Trying Too Hard

I'm not someone who's ever been desperate to make friends. It's not that I dislike having friends. What kind of anti-social weirdo would that make me? I'm just your run-of-the-mill weirdo. But I never played pretend just to get someone to like me. Because that never works out in the end. Eventually the mask is gonna fall.

Until I tried to market my books. Suddenly I became a person I didn't recognize. Too needy, too frantic for someone toss me a nice word or a pat on the head. If I just tried harder, it would happen. It's like trying to remove a stubborn stain. A rag and liquid cleanser don't work, so I graduate to a scratchy sponge, an abrasive solution, and an hour's worth of elbow grease. What the hell? It's still there! Bleach! That's the ticket! Well, damn, now I've just turned the stain white and even more glaringly visible. Now, in desperation, I haul myself out to the garage, rummage around and find a sledgehammer. I'll get you now!

Now that I've pounded a huge crater in the wall, the only thing left for me to do is move. I wonder if maybe I should have just ignored the stain.

My natural tendency in bookselling would be to publish the book, let it sit out on Amazon's shelves, and if someone buys it, great. My work is done.

But no. We authors have to get eyes on our books, even if it kills us. Create a Facebook ad? Yes! But it'll need some glowing text to accompany the book cover. Something like, "Best novel ever!" or "This book will change your life!" That'll get 'em.

Social media? I only posted my cover three times last week. Time to step it up! I'm just going to post it every day. I'll eventually wear people down.

I have a social media bio with tons of links---to my website, my Amazon page, my Substack, my Running From Herself buy page, even my Goodreads page. Only one or two people ever bothered to click on it. But it's there! In case you're interested!

I'll work my book into every conversation, either online or in person. It doesn't matter what subject people are discussing, I'll make it relate to my book somehow. "I totally agree with your stance on nuclear proliferation. On that note, I have a great story for you to read before the world explodes."

I discarded my newsletter because it was clear no one was interested, but in the big wide world of eight billion people, there has to be a few who'd buy my book. I'll never know if I don't try to reach them. 

Don't even get me started on my author website. It's got it all. Every semi-positive review I ever received, I included. See? Anonymous Amazon Reviewer from Canada liked it! I don't know how you can even resist buying it.

Hey! Free book for subscribing to my newsletter! Who doesn't want a free book? Did I mention it's free? And it's a book? 

My author picture is me, only a twenty years younger me. Still me, though! Don't I look young and hip?

I've got a contact form! You can contact me! Please contact me!

The saddest part of all this is that no one even visits my website. Well, sometimes scammers fill out my contact form, but I don't count those as visits.

All of the above is not me. I'm not that person. I'm finding that everything or almost everything I do online has the subtext, buy my book. 

People are repulsed by desperation. I am. I actually laugh at social media posts that are obvious plays for attention. And then I scoot right past them.

Maybe we self-published authors need to calm down. What's the worst that can happen if our books don't sell? Yes, it still stings that I'll never recoup the money I spent on a cover and on marketing, but I've spent money on other worthless things in my life and I got over it.

There could be a way to not act like a maniac, and perhaps that would be a benefit. The desperate routine sure isn't working; it's counter-working. (A real word? I didn't think so.) Maybe we could just be normal instead.

I'm growing weary of the facade. I just don't want to pretend anymore. Yes, I think my novel is good; that part isn't a facade, but I'm not comfortable with the constant hyping. It makes me feel icky. There's nothing wrong with including a link in my social media bio or highlighting my books on my website. Those are things we authors should do. It doesn't hurt to offer a reader magnet. It doesn't hurt to occasionally push my book on Instagram. But when none of those normal things pan out, I need to just let it go; not draw big red arrows pointing people to them. That's bizarre behavior.

All that has gotta stop.