What is a Good Minimum Wage for an Author?

When the story of my publishing career is written, it'll include lots of "fun" anecdotes that should discourage anyone from trying to become an author, but it won't, because we writers are the quintessential eternal optimists. "Well, sure, she failed, but my novel is fantabulous. I'll be rich! Rich, I tell ya!"

My story actually would make a pretty good comic novel, with the movie tie-in starring Steve Carell (because I can't think of a female counterpart who could pull it off.)

This past week I spent roughly three hours perusing Facebook groups to find places where I could flog my novel via Kindle Unlimited. I also ran across a few groups that allowed book promotion in general. Since I have no more marketing money, I figured, why not? It's free and it could work. 

Well, those three hours were well spent. I checked my KDP report each day and was disappointed to find no additional sales and no new page reads. Until today. 98 new pages read! That increased my royalties by 68 cents, baby! That's almost 23 cents per hour! 

In all, I joined or tried to join 38 different groups. Perhaps twenty-five of my attempts have actually worked so far. Are these all made-up groups? Do they have some spammish angle I'm not considering? It's true that a few of the groups were iffy, but they still boasted many thousands of members. In all, I posted to an audience of over one million potential readers. Now I'm thinking that based on that number, 98 pages isn't very good.  

All I can do is laugh. 

Because I've got lots of free time on my hands, it's not a big deal to me to spend three hours on a useless project, but still, twenty-three cents an hour is kind of insulting. I made more than that at my part-time summer job when I was sixteen.  

Who knew that writing a novel is the easy part? Well, pretty much everyone knew that, but I'm her to reinforce it, dammit. 

I'd be better off starting my screenplay for the above movie. And BTW, Hollywood movie producer, don't trying ripping off my idea, just because you love my awesome poster. Come up with your own idea! I've got Google and I can maybe find an attorney who'll represent me pro bono in my copyright infringement suit. (Bastards always trying to stick it to the little guy.) 

I would say, onto the next marketing idea, but I'm fresh out. And I don't care all that much. Besides, when I sell my screenplay, I can recline next to the pool on my sun lounger, a dirty martini in hand...or some other drink that is maybe more festive...I'm not an alcohol expert. I'll peer over my Balenciaga sunglasses as my masseuse approaches me tentatively, her stupid manuscript tucked under her arm...as if I would deign to read that piffle just because she's worked out the stubborn knot in my shoulder blade.

Who knew that making movie posters was the easy part?