What's With All This Memoir Stuff Suddenly?

I'm a big fan of people telling their life stories. If either of my parents had written their stories down, I would consider those words my greatest treasure. I actually know very little about my parents' lives from when they were growing up. My dad would offer a tidbit or two sometimes, but I never really got a feel for his early years, and his brothers and sisters were, to me as a kid, just your average everyday grownups. I don't recall them ever getting together and reminiscing, but maybe I was off playing with my cousins somewhere, so they might have and I missed it.

My mom was a completely different animal. She was insular to the extreme. Never once did she share anything about her life. I'm a very private person, too, but for things that only make sense to me, such as not telling anyone, even my husband, that I've written books. I'm perfectly fine with talking about my life growing up and about our family dynamics, though. Get my baby sister and me in a room together, and the memories will flow like wine...or water, for you teetotalers out there (of which I am now one). Had one of my aunts and occasionally one uncle not visited us when I was a kid, I would swear my mom was an orphan. Over the years, I've gleaned that she had a hard upbringing; I figured out that her parents divorced when she was in her teens, and that she went to live with her father, which was unusual, but as to why that happened, beats me. And now I'll never know.

So, yes, I believe in people telling their stories. That doesn't mean those stories have to be published. But now, every other writing article I read is pushing memoirs--how to craft them, how to get into the mindset of recalling life incidents. (Really? Is that hard?)

But see, the thing is, as self-involved as most of us are, we forget that strangers aren't interested in us. Why would they be? Are we somebody important? Have we made a name for ourselves in some area of public life? Publishing professionals know this, too, so why do they so badly want us to publish our stories?

Examples:

Why your memoir feels like rambling (and how to fix it)

Your memoir is someone else's story

Moving Into Memoir

My theory is:  

• Everyone's run out of fiction writing tips (such as they are)
• There's something in it for them

Everybody is working an angle of some kind. So, whether it's trying to push formatting services or classes or coaching, these folks are not altruistic. And let's face it; the average Joe who decides to write his memoir has likely never written anything before, so he's easy prey for the money grabbers.

Now, I'm the weirdo who loves reading stories about everyday people, but I'm guessing that I'm an outlier. According to Google:

Memoirs by unknown people

generally do not sell well unless the story has a very unique hook, universal themes (like survival/resilience), or taps into a major cultural moment, as the market is saturated and readers usually seek celebrities or highly specific niche content. For an unknown author, significant sales are a long shot, with 1,000-5,000 copies being considered a good outcome, not a bestseller, requiring a powerful narrative and strategic marketing to stand out

Certainly, there are those who only publish their memoir in order to buy copies for family. That's cool. I approve! However, the (very) rare times I peruse the Goodreads author groups, I read a lot of posts from memoirists who are trying to figure out how to market their books. (Answer: you can't)

Full disclosure: I, too, wrote a memoir. Yes, that's right. And I have to say, I really enjoyed writing it. But you'll never find it, even if you know my real name (which, granted, can be easily discovered), because I wisely unpublished it. Before I took it off the market, it actually sold eleven copies, because I had a hook that's quite universal. The subtitle was, "My Dad, Drinking, and Me". Even though it was my first attempt at long-form writing, I somehow intuited that my life story needed a theme, and the one I chose was a good one for relatability. Even then, I wasn't one of the smart ones, who only published so they could share with their family. My sister somehow discovered that I'd written it and said she wanted to read it, so I sent her a copy. How embarrassing. Her feedback was lukewarm. (Did she even offer me feedback? Now it feels like she didn't. It was a long time ago.) This is a prime example of why I keep my writing secret. 

I unpublished the book shortly thereafter.  

Far be it for me to discourage anyone from writing their life story, but one needs to think it through. It's not worth causing pain to a family member, number one. But let's say you led a happy life. Fine; great. Buy up ten or so copies and distribute them to your loved ones. Maybe one or two of them will actually read it. But unless you've got something universal to share (i.e., you have a hook), don't waste your money trying to promote it.

And don't let any "professional" talk you into doing it.