What Kind of Writer are You? (Quizzes!)

 

I've never seen the benefit in taking personality quizzes. Will the results give me a better personality? 

Who hasn't taken the Briggs-Meyer test at least once in their life? Reportedly, 88% of Fortune 500 companies still use it, although I think employers should stay out of the psychological realm. They play too many mental games to begin with. Although for an employee with an "intuitive" personality, it's helpful in deciphering the tricks employers try to play on the working grunts. (Somehow this post has veered off into past grudges...oops!)

But with the end of the year nigh, and with nothing much going on (at least with me), why not have some fun and delve into "what kind of writer are you" quizzes? Only one quiz that I found claims to have any scientific research behind it, but who needs science? What is science? (Seriously. Aside from math, science was my worst subject in school.) 

Personally, I didn't need no stinkin' quiz to reveal my writing personality, but at least my instincts were confirmed.

So, dive in and see if these tests' results diverge. That could happen if you are a) schizophrenic; or b) the tests are simply silly time wasters. 

Get Underlined Quiz 

The Get Underlined quiz (a Penguin Random House company, so our arch enemy) tells me I'm a memoirist:   

Memoirist

You’d be a famous memoirist, or an author who receives acclaim for writing an intriguing and detailed recollection of their life. You have an interesting backstory, a strong voice, and the uncanny ability to make people relate to you. Whether you’re weaving a web of interconnected vignettes or making an otherwise awful situation sound super funny, you have a knack for writing about yourself and making it interesting and engaging.

Well, I do love talking about myself, but I did write a memoir---it sold 11 copies before I pulled it. Not really "acclaimed". I agree that I can make awful situations sound "super funny", but what's the alternative, really? Cry myself to sleep every night?

Despite 🐧 Random House's counsel, there will be no second (or replacement) memoir forthcoming.

 

ProProf's Quiz  (Motto: "We believe software should make you happy." Good luck there.)

Creative Free Spirit 

You embrace spontaneity in your writing, letting the plot unfold naturally. While writer's block may occasionally challenge you, a loose outline can help guide your creativity without stifling it. Share your wild ideas and let your imagination soar! 

Why yes, yes I do embrace spontaneity...in my writing, that is. In real life, I'm a rigid clock-watcher, and every daily task needs to be done at a specific time. In fact, spontaneity causes nervousness, vertigo, a throbbing ache in my temples, Lyme disease, itchy ankles, eye bleeding, and generalized swelling. Other than that, I'm great with spontaneity. 

Quiz from IDRlabs 

IDRlabs claims its quizzes are "based on peer-reviewed scientific research", so in other words, it's all made up. But what quiz isn't? I can make up one, too. Nevertheless, according to its "scientists": 

You are 54.16% intuitive, 75% pantser, which makes you an intuitive pantser.

Intuitive Pantsers: These authors trust in their instincts, diving into their writing with little premeditation. They rely on intuition and spontaneity, allowing the story to unfold naturally as they explore characters and themes. While their process may seem chaotic, their narratives possess a raw energy and authenticity that draw readers in. They are unafraid to take risks, often producing works that are bold, original, and deeply personal.  

In other words, I'm a mess. My work has no starting point, certainly no middle; it's wholly nonsensical. But bold! Jumping off a cliff is also considered bold. To be honest, trusting my instincts has proven to be the exact wrong tack. This quiz's conclusion is not reassuring. Can I go back to being a creative free spirit? It sounds more hippie-ish.

My Quiz: 

What Kind of Writer are You?

Which tools are essential to your writing?

a. dedicated writing software, a thesaurus, spelling/grammar checkers

b. soft lighting, mood music, solitude

c. a tall glass of whiskey, a pack of Marlboro Lights, a greasy double cheeseburger

When you don’t know where to take your story next, you:

a. take a walk and brainstorm

b. turn to your online writing community for suggestions

c. smash your computer screen with a giant hammer

To me, success means:

a. I’ve sold a million copies

b. My reviews are not only positive, but heartwarming

c. I’ve somehow tricked one sucker into buying my book

I write because:

a. writing allows me to explore my creativity

b. I want to touch people’s emotions

c. it beats having to spend time with people

I would describe my voice as:

a. descriptive and bold

b. intimate and moody

c. angry and confrontational

 

If you answered mostly (a):

You’re a GO-GETTER. You know what you want and how to achieve it. Your brain contains so many story ideas, you’re torn over which one to tackle first. Sometimes you find yourself writing two novels at the same time! Readers admire your work for its take-no-prisoners attitude and complex storylines. Netflix and Universal will be clamoring for movie rights. Huge bucks and a Hollywood mansion are firmly within your grasp.

If you answered mostly (b):

You are a CONFIDANT. Readers are drawn to your work because it makes them feel comfy and cocooned. Your books are like a loyal and tender friend, one who listens to readers’ troubles without judgement and offers soft, encouraging advice. Your work will shine on daytime women’s talk shows, where you are sure to be an oft-invited guest.

If you answered mostly (c):

You can best be described as SCARY. Your primary writing motivation is revenge. A genre you may want to consider is horror; the bloodier, the better. Yet, you’re also LAZY. You enjoy the creature comforts a bit too much to get any actual writing accomplished. This can be hazardous to your liver. You could find yourself invited onto podcasts---once. But don’t worry; there are a lot of podcasts. Just pray that the hosts don’t talk among themselves. Otherwise, once your novel fails, you could consider a career in gardening, long-haul trucking, or stocking grocery shelves. Anywhere you can be alone.

 

And there you have it---four fun quizzes that aren't necessarily informative, but are time killers when you don't feel like writing. And really, who does feel like writing? Feel free to mix and match the results any way you feel like doing it. Just bear in mind that MY quiz is the real scientific one.