How to Lose Money: Write Books

The problem with writers is that they're perpetual dreamers. Oh, admit it! If you didn't have a vivid imagination, you could never write fiction. The heart of fiction is "what if". What if dragons actually existed? What if a regular working stiff is walking along a deserted beach and discovers a treasure chest filled with gold? What if a singer in a local band just happens to be offered a recording contract on the spot? (Okay, that's my Running From Herself what-if.)

With this in mind, when it comes to promoting our imaginary tales, it's hard for people like us to turn off our what-if thinking. What if I buy this ad and a thousand people buy my book? It could happen. 

I arrived late to the promotion grift. It wasn't until I published my fifth book that I even considered advertising it. (At the risk of looking like a rube, I'll admit that I didn't even know advertising books was a thing. I mean, I knew the Big Boys did it, but self-published authors?)

In hindsight, I was better off not knowing. Where has all my promotion gotten me? Nowhere. I spent far too much money that I'll never recoup in sales--never, ever. So, why couldn't I leave bad enough alone? Well...what if? "Hey! I never tried this promo site. What if it actually moves books?"

I'm not a total dunce. After trying and failing with almost every paid method; yes, even BookBub ads (the king of promotion), I at least knew enough not to spend money on them again. Still, every now and then...

I bought an ad from Crave Books the other day. It was cheap, around $13.00, and my book would be featured on four different sites. The ad ran yesterday, and you'll never guess how many books I sold! Zero! Right after I purchased the ad, I asked Google about Crave Books. "So-so", it told me. Of course, I only paid attention to the first "so", not the second one. "Well, some authors found it useful!" I told myself. 

Buying book ads is akin to a gambling addiction. Right now, one of the less popular lottery games has built up its pot to almost a million dollars, so I've been buying three tickets, instead of my usual one. That obviously hasn't worked...yet. But what if?

Maybe being optimistic is a good trait. Better than being a miserable fatalist. Except there needs to be a middle ground. This is something I'm trying to work on. The other day, after I blogged about how indie authors should band together, I went searching for author co-ops. I found exactly one. There was another, but it was comprised of New York Times bestselling authors. Fuck them. What do they need a co-op for? 

The one I found was reasonable to join--five bucks. Well, shoot, I can spare that much. So I clicked "join" and it asked me for my name (pen name) and email address; then it told me I'd have to wait for approval. What now? What constitutes their vetting process? They're really not going to glean much just from my name. And there are a few "April Tompkins" out there. Nevertheless, after about three days (!) I was informed I'd been approved. While I'd noticed that the site leans heavily on romance, there were a few other genre books mixed in, and it was only five dollars, after all. Except now it had changed to $5.00 per month (for the basic plan). I don't never another monthly expense. It's hard for most people to understand, but when you're not bringing home a paycheck, even five dollars every month is a drain on one's finances. Especially for something worthless.

So, I passed. (I'm getting better at this!)

What I've also managed to do is unsubscribe from many of the promo sites' emails. Most never offer even a collection of articles; just "buy this promo before it's gone!" Sorry, guys; all your promo ideas sound lame, but kudos for trying new approaches. Maybe, like me, you're not having any success, either. 

It's been especially bad lately. Every single site is advertising its Black Friday deals--for stuff I don't want. I'm not going to spend money on Publisher Rocket, even at $30.00 off its $199.00 regular price. To learn about keywords? Would different keywords sell my books better? What, pray tell, might those words be? It's just dumb. I've learned all I needed to know about keywords for free, and I'm not going to paste in unrelated words just because they might work. I may not be selling any copies, but I'm not going to lie to potential readers.

The further away I get from writing, the easier it's becoming to resist everyone's promises of riches. I'm still in recovery, but I'm slowly healing. I do slip from time to time and snatch a sip of "what if", but I find that I always hate myself in the morning. 

Once you're in recovery, everything becomes clearer. Last week I briefly considered paying a company to design a book cover for me, but I resisted the temptation. Risk versus reward is my new mantra. If something is offered to me for free and no one's going to steal my identity or do some other nefarious thing to me, sure. Zero risk--zero reward, but it (at least) won't give me a hangover. Good luck finding that free, no strings attached offer, though.

So, for now I'm going to finish by novel reboot project, slap my free cover on it, publish it and buy a paperback copy. No advertising; no promotion. Amazon is a handy bookshelf for all those tomes no one wants, but hey, if it accomplishes what I need it to do, my book can sit on its shelf gathering mountains of dust. I don't care.