Christmas Gifts for Writers?

If one admits they don't like holidays much, they come across as a disgruntled party pooper. I'm absolutely not disgruntled--about holidays, at least--but they've been so blown out of proportion, whatever fun might have been had is replaced by a thousand "need-to's". "I need to...(fill in the blank)." 

I once really liked Christmas, when my kids were little. I was very much into all the trappings. I baked a ton of cookies and made candy--caramels and divinity (ooh, my teeth ache just thinking about divinity); I wrote out my shopping list in shorthand once my kids could read, so they couldn't spy on what I was buying them, although I tended to pick up everything they put on their lists, so there wasn't so much surprise when they unwrapped them as maybe relief that I actually got them what they'd asked for. 

I dedicated one night to decorating our big tree in our downstairs family room. I'd slip the Anne Murray Christmas CD into the changer and go to work, making sure every ornament, especially the keepsake ones were placed on just the right branches. (Keepsakes = the decorations my kids made in school. Priceless.) I bought a new ornament each year with the date on it so I would have a long line of ornament ancestry (?) on the tree.

I had a set of window clings I'd pull out each season, sort of like this, only nicer, that I'd paste on the big picture window in the living room.

I attended a fall craft show downtown each year to try to find a gift my mom would like; a huge undertaking. And I bought some kind of gift for each of my family members. Shoot, I even sent out Christmas cards! (Do people still do that?)

So, yes, I was once big on Christmas.

Now? Well, we have a tabletop Christmas tree, not entirely ugly, but easy to ignore. It's got lights; I'll give it that, but no ornaments; certainly nothing "keepsake-y". I still haven't wrapped my husband's gifts, which are currently slid under the bed inside their Amazon packaging. I suppose I need to get on that soon. I did find a fun gift for our cat. I think that's the one gift I'm most excited to see opened. I did not bake. I bought a plastic container of cookies from the supermarket bakery, and half of them will probably be thrown out in the end. 

I do, however, like making Christmas dinner, which would completely shock my mother. It even shocks me. 

This is what they call "my new normal".   

I've been bombarded with a lot of email gift list suggestions, and since I subscribe to a bunch of book marketing emails, I've seen a bunch of "gifts for writers", which all flummox me, because none of the items they list make any sense, in reality.

1. A pen.

Oh. Okay. Thanks? 

Perhaps non-writers think that authors write their stories in longhand. Um, we're not Louisa May Alcott. If I had to write my latest novel by hand, I'd be on about Chapter 2 right now. Not to mention all the scratched out words, sentences, and entire passages. 

Don't get me wrong. I like a nice, flowable pen; just not for my fiction writing. I do make a lot of to-do lists and grocery lists with a pen, so there's that. 

In essence, a pen can be a good (albeit, cheap) gift for virtually anyone. (Idiots)

Which goes along with...

2. A notebook.

Oh, my God! A notebook? Awesome! 

I'm trying to envision a time when a writer would feel the need for a notebook. Let's say I'm out and about and a great idea suddenly hits me. Let's see; what could I capture that idea with? Luckily, I always carry my handy notebook. Oh, and my phone... 

3. A Writing Course

Well, isn't that a backhanded compliment! 

"I enrolled you in a course so you can learn how to write."

"I've already published eleven books."

"Still."

 4.  Post-It Notes (yes, really)

I'm hoping the listmaker intends that to accompany another gift, because...come on. I don't have much pocket change, either, but I've never and would never wrap up some post-it notes to give to someone, unless I really disliked that person. Maybe they're supposed to go along with the Bic pen.

5.  Candles, chocolate, a coffee mug, a plant

Okay, now we've expanded into "gifts for anyone". Pull up any themed list, be it for plumbers or airline pilots or RN's, and you'll find "candles, chocolate, gift cards". (Do they make gift lists for plumbers? I'd probably go with hand sanitizer and a plunger magnet for their refrigerator.)

6. Writing software

I'm not a partaker myself, but those writers who feel the need for some kind of writing program would probably want to choose the best product for their needs. I once gifted my husband some voice-to-text software (he never learned how to type) to help with his writing process. The box has never been opened. Writers are awfully nitpicky about these things. And about other things. Many things.

 

Know what the best writing gift for me would be? A day, just one day, of uninterrupted time. And it would cost the giver nothing! I already have pens, sticky notes, a coffee mug. I could always use booze, so that's an alternate suggestion, but how about uninterrupted time and booze? (I no longer drink, but I'd be willing to give it a go.)

Oh, here's another thought--buy the author's book. You wouldn't even be required to read it; just buy it. You could even ask the author to inscribe it. A far better compliment than enrolling them in a writing course.

 

My husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas. We're at the stage of life in which surprises aren't necessarily appreciated. He ticked off two things he wanted--just two--and since he's hated every surprise gift I ever got him, I now stick to the list exclusively. Me? I only like comfort gifts, like pajamas or a throw; even warm gloves. But since I have all those things, I picked out a book on Amazon and a coffee mug with its own battery-powered heating base. My coffee always seems to get cold between the time I pour it and I reach my upstairs destination. 

I don't need any writerly gifts--not even post-it notes! If Santa really wanted to be generous, he could bring me a nice royalty check, but there's only two days left before Christmas, and last I checked, nobody's buying (still). 

But Merry Christmas to you and thanks for reading my blog. I may have a new book (okay, a new edition) published in the coming year, so I'll continue to have things to write about. Not good things, but things.

It just occurred to me that I've yet to listen to one Christmas song. I have to listen to at least one, so as not to break my decades-long tradition. 🎄🎄🎄