Overthinking It

I'm not trying to be a jerk, but so much of the writing advice I read is dismaying in its simplicity. Are there really writers out there who don't know that they need to create realistic characters? What, pray tell, are they creating--stick figures? 

I'm well aware that certain aspects of fiction writing may require some study. Pacing, for example, at least until one gets the hang of it. (There's no better teacher than experience, I'll just say for the record.) But the basics? Why even attempt to write if one is that clueless?

I am somewhat fascinated by people who want to (or do) write a book, having no writing experience whatsoever. I'm talking any type of writing experience, be it a blog post or even a journal entry. That's audacious! I've written my whole life, and still, my first novel was pretty awful (not to brag). I did, however, know how to invent characters who acted and talked like actual people...because I am an actual person. 

Perhaps novice writers think they need to be "writerly", whatever their concept of that is. Maybe they don't trust themselves, so they write the way they think a real writer would do it. That mindset leads to nothing good. Purple prose probably springs from bad imitation. "John Q. Platterpuss describes things so well! I need to describe things well, too!" So they write lines like, "The night was like a black winter coat, thick and bulky, yet it breathed like my Cozy Earth bamboo sheets with their money-back guarantee. Much like my bed linens, the night felt safe, as if it wouldn't take my money and leave me bereft of all-night comfort."  

Admittedly, that line is more description than I've ever used in a story, because I'm not only bad at describing things, I generally forget to even do it. "Well, you can see it right there!" I point.

I've seen Reddit posts that say, "I've never read a book, but I really want to write a novel." I'm not making this up. I want to reply, "Do you even know how writing goes?" Maybe you can write just from playing video games--I wouldn't know--but there's a difference between "watching" and reading. 

A lot of non-writers set out to write a memoir. But the thing about memoirs is, they're not simply a recitation of facts and dates. (Plus, memoirs from unknowns don't sell.) I mentioned before that the first book I wrote was a memoir (since unpublished), and that form is a good starting point. You don't have to invent a plot! To even give your memoir a chance in hell of selling, though, it still needs a hook, and it needs personalization. It can't be, "I did this, and then in 1984 I started college, and then in 1988, I..." Just like with writing fiction, you need to inhabit that main character; at least I do. And a memoir should be easy in that regard, because the main character is you. You need to put yourself in that five-year-old place or that sixteen-year-old place; not write it as if you're a birdwatcher peering through binoculars and jotting down markings and wing span in a notebook.  

I think the biggest mistake a non-writer makes when penning that first book is trying too hard. Ever have to attend a social gathering where the room is full of strangers? For an introvert like me, that's hell on earth. First, I worry about how I'll look--will I stick out like my nose has sprouted a giant wart? Then I worry about how I'm going to make small talk. Will everyone peg me as a dolt? Or worse, a complete dullard? (guilty!) Maybe if I just babble a lot, I'll come off as a professional. Nope--now they regard me as both a dolt and a dullard.

People will spot a "try-too-harder" from a mile away. For God's sake, just be yourself! The same for writing. Write the way you write. This is no longer the case now that I've written books for almost a decade, but when I was writing, I refused to read fiction. I was scared that I'd subconsciously adapt another author's style. (Also, I was scared that the other author was so good, I'd just give up writing forever.) 

Most of the writing advice one reads derives from the writer's personal experience. They don't flat-out say, "This is how I do it," but everything is personal, regardless of how it's dressed up. Isn't that true with everything? Ask your mom how to peel an onion. "This is how I do it," she'll say. Of course, your mom's advice is better than some stranger's on the internet, but maybe you don't want to do it her way. Maybe a different way works better for you. 

You do you.

Or try it their way and see how well awful it turns out. When they talk about a writer's voice, what do you think they're saying? Any semi-literate fourth grader can write a book report, and every semi-literate kid in the class will write theirs the exact same way. The most entertaining kid, who seemed to be in every one of my classes from sixth grade on, was regarded as a big doofus, but every time he was called on by the teacher, he answered with something that made us laugh. He wasn't trying to be funny; he was just being himself. Now, that kid could be a successful author.

You can fix the bad stuff in your manuscript later, and trust me, there'll be a lot of fixing up to do, but first write the story the way you want to write it. 

Oh, and the way to avoid writing stick figures? Treat them as real people.