My New and Improved Blurb

I was all set to publish my new blurb. I thought it was fine; not perfect, but pretty close. Then two things happened: I watched another webinar session featuring Jessie Cunniffe, in which she stated that the second paragraph of the blurb needs to reveal the inciting incident, or in other words, the whole purpose of the story.

My second paragraph didn't do that. My inciting incident didn't appear until the third, and it read like an afterthought. "Oh, and she got a record label offer." Ahh, so nothing major happened.

While I've previously noted that my story's structure strays from the norm, and that about the first 25% of it follows Leah's life in Chance, the label offer is THE thing, the thing that starts the whole ball rolling. 

(And, by the way, Jessie notes that the blurb should only address approximately the first 25% of the story. So, I barely got that inciting incident slotted in!) 

The second issue that began itching at me overnight was that Leah reacted to the offer negatively. I'd written, "Leah didn't want it." Well, there ya go! I really gotta read it now! This quandary drives home the problem I had when writing the manuscript. If you go way back to my posts from early this year, you'll find that both Leah and I were ambiguous about the offer. In fact, she accepted it, then she decided to decline it, then she did finally accept it out of a desperate need to get out of town after she spied Jared with another woman.

I do love discovery writing, but it sometimes leads to the above. I needed Leah to move to Nashville so the story could continue, but since she loved her new life, I couldn't find a way to justify it. 

Anyway, I've now removed the negativity aspect from the blurb, while still explaining why she ultimately accepted the offer--kind of half excitement, half desperation. 

My new (final?) blurb works out to 172 words, so it falls within the established parameters of 150-180. I decided to forego adding keywords, which could be a mistake, but really, adding them sounded too pushy. Maybe the description of the story should live or die on its own. If I change my mind, I still have an eight-word window with which to add some.

This is it:

Who are you when things get hard? 

Small-town club singer Leah Branch welcomes her band's breakup. Tired of chasing the impossible dream, it's time to find a new life far away from music. She doesn't exactly pick tiny Chance, Wyoming. It picks her.

But music won’t leave her alone. Serving drinks in the town saloon, she falls in love with Jared, a fellow singer. And it's music that shatters their romance. When Jared gives up singing for good and the saloon's fortunes plummet, Leah swallows her pride and offers to take his place on the bandstand.

The record label’s offer strikes like a lightning bolt, and Leah grabs it. More than anything, more than even a shot at fame, it’s her chance to escape her broken heart. But in Nashville the label glamorizes her look, chooses her songs, even changes her name. Leah finds herself hating the person she’s become.

One night on tour, she's finally had enough. And that's when she runs.

Click “buy now” to read Running From Herself today!

 

(I realize that "strikes like a lightning bolt" is a cliche, but if a potential reader can't get past that, so be it.) 

I like it--for now. It follows the prescribed outline and it has some action verbs, which is good. There's no way I'll ever be 100% satisfied with it, but that's just human nature. And on the plus side, it didn't cost me a penny.

I did update my KDP description with the new iteration. Now it's time to sit back and give it room to breathe.