Back to the Drawing Board

I've sold three copies of my novel in a week. 

Let's enumerate the things I've done to improve my book's sales potential, shall we?  

1. I commissioned a professional cover, which is eye-catching and beautiful. 
2. I added a slew of long-tail keywords that bulked up my SEO.

Well, those things aren't working.

Thus, I'm left with two possibilities: either the theme of my novel is completely uninteresting or my blurb is awful. Know how many times I've reworked my blurb? Neither do I, but it's a lot. (I didn't know I'd need to keep track.) I even tried AI once, against my better judgement. I was that desperate.

I once learned the basic elements of a good blurb, but it seems I've since forgotten them. To say that an author is too close to her story to write a good book description is an understatement. I (apparently) felt the need to start at the beginning of the story. "How will anyone understand if I don't?" was my deluded thought process. Well, that's hardly compelling. 

So, I'm going to (sigh) try again. I did research a couple of blurb writing companies, but damn! I can't afford their services! Fortuitously, one of them has penned a few articles for Written Word Media, so I'm going to try to incorporate her advice. 

Start with a question. 

Jessie Cunniffe writes:

"For fiction authors, any question that prompts thought in the reader is usually a winner, but beware of asking questions only your characters or book can answer!

For example, if my blurb starts with “Will Jane ever be able to love again?” there is nothing there that speaks to our reader directly. But if we reworded it to “Can a broken heart ever truly mend?” (admittedly cheesy, but it serves my point), notice how the reader is invited to reflect and get involved."

On to length:

"While I definitely suggest 230 words as a hard stop for general blurb-writing, and encourage you to keep it under 200, the simple reason is this:

People are expecting three-ish paragraphs, so give them three-ish paragraphs. Don’t make them work hard to read about your story.

As for the naysayers who insist that surveys “prove” that readers clock off after 150 words — firstly, I have found no conclusive evidence on this. And secondly, if they clock off after 150 words, all it means is that your last sentence failed. (emphasis: mine)

Because every sentence in your blurb has ONE job, and one job only: make people read the next sentence."

 Content:

"...if you’re reading a book blurb where the author is insisting that their book is “the thrilling tale of the year”, or a “raw and vulnerable exploration of modern humanity”…I’d forgive you for tuning out. 

It comes back to this old chestnut: show, don’t tell.

If your blurb paints an accurate, appropriately-detailed picture of the story your readers are about to dive into, you won’t NEED to convince the RIGHT people to buy your book.

All you’re doing when you tell readers what their reading experience is going to be is create distrust in people who would probably like your work (because they’re like “Why is she trying to sell me so hard?”) and possibly convincing less than ideal readers to buy your book (and then probably leave you a lackluster review).

Of course, your blurb should paint your book in a positive light. But let your story speak for itself and leave your ARC readers to do the hyping."

What this tells me is, nix the "Daisy Jones & the Six" comparison. I've always been a bit queasy about that anyway, but there are similarities; just not a bunch of them. And everybody's always harping on the importance of "comps".

Don't think like a reader (what??) 

"The truth is, as the author you have a uniquely comprehensive understanding of your book that literally no one else has. This should be harnessed during your blurb-writing process, not shunned!

Imagine telling a guitarist on stage to “think like the audience” instead of focusing on what they do best — making music. It just doesn’t make sense.

Instead of burying your author instinct, use your innate love of storytelling to weave a blurb that captures your book’s best assets…without freezing up while trying to inhabit a faceless reader avatar.

Because the best blurb is the one that captures your book’s unique essence — something you are perfectly positioned to do."

Well, she's the expert, but this one is hard for me. If I'm a casual browser and I land on this novel, what would be in it for me to buy it? There's gotta be something. How do I know I'd even be interested in this particular plot?

But, sure, I'm willing to try her advice; I just don't know how I'd go about it. My writing style doesn't really lend itself to three-paragraph "stories". And per the above method, wouldn't the first paragraph just be a question? So, that leaves two paragraphs. 

Intellectually, I know where she's coming from. I don't write my books for readers; I write them for me. It's a fool's errand to write to try to make readers happy. One has to write what they write, and if readers like it, great. So, I need to compose a blurb that makes me happy and interested. This, above all, is the hardest element to absorb---forget the reader. Yikes!

I'm going to try to tackle it. There are a few blurb services out there, the cheapest being $40.00 and rising from there to $149.00 and even $295.00 for Jessie Cunniffe's own service. While she comes highly recommended, nope! I didn't even pay that much for my book cover. And I'm willing to pay professionals to do a lot of things, but writing? Come on--that's supposedly the one thing I'm good at.

She does offer a free blurb cheat sheet here. I've requested it, but haven't looked at it yet.

Lemme tell ya, I'm sick to death of rewriting this blurb. I'm willing to do it one more time, but that's gotta be it. (Will the story magically change into something people want with every new draft? Not so far.)

I'll definitely report back on my progress or lack thereof.