Around the Globe (I Mean, the Internet)

I'm finding myself with a lot of free time on my hands as I await that magical Amazon ad to run; the one that's going to propel my novel into the stratosphere. (Yes, I finally took the leap and scheduled one.) 

Thus, I've been doing a lot of online reading. Despite the fact that I've unsubscribed from many mailings that offer no value, I'm still getting a bunch of communications. And since I'm bored, I've actually taken the time to read some of them.

There is a fairly new (for me) blog I've begun following. It's written by a guy who had some New York Times bestsellers and who has been around for a while, and his blog posts are even more of a cornucopia than mine. One day he's discussing the importance of subject research; the next he's doing a first page critique for a brave writer who volunteered. It seems he also features his share of guest posts, so I never know what to expect day to day. 

The first page critique was enlightening. I think we writers tend to be so enamored with our work that we miss its glaring flaws. I have no doubt that this applies to me, too. And as a side note, rereading it a hundred times isn't going to shine a light on those flaws. A writer really needs an objective second opinion. I've unfortunately never gotten one, because as you know, I'm quite cloistered. Who would I ask? Beta readers; right, but I trust some complete stranger even less than I trust myself. 

But here I was, reading through this guy's submitted first page, and the problems were so elementary, it's hard to believe he didn't see them himself (which is likely something a beta reader would say about my work). It was his sentence structure. It was very short. It was very abrupt. Each one stated a fact. It was annoying. 

See what I did there? Imagine reading a whole book structured that way. I allowed for the possibility that he'd chosen that particular stylistic approach, but I kind of doubt it. I think it's fine to have some short sentences for impact or to emphasize a point, but sentence structure has to vary. Long--paragraph long--sentences would be awful, too; maybe even worse, but both choices are bad. This serves to reiterate a point I've made before--writing isn't just a talent, but a learning experience. This guy would have caught on eventually, even without his mistakes being pointed out, because the more one writes, the better they write. I shudder at the thought of reading my very first novel, which is why I won't do it. I don't need any red-faced shame.

I wouldn't label reading one page a "beta read", but it's definitely enlightening. For a writer, beta reading is probably just as valuable as having someone beta read you.

Then there was the Reddit post from someone who wanted to subscribe to everyone's newsletter. That part wasn't interesting to me, but from the pages of responses, I thought, a-ha! Now I can see what other authors' newsletters look like! That didn't exactly work; all the links just led to people's signup pages. But I did get an eye-opening view of author websites. And, wow! Most of them are awful! I retract every disdainful word I wrote about my own site. 

I'm talking, really awful. Remember those early websites, from sometime in the 90's? They all had the dancing baby GIF and the font was pink comic sans? Or something like this:

The sites I looked at weren't quite this bad, but close! Horrible! "But I could only do a one-page!" Sure, fine; I could do a one-page, too, but it would look a hell of a lot better. I'm not about to call anyone out, but I don't get the "minimalist" vibe, and by that I mean a whole page with two tiny images on it. 

Clearly, no one but me is a fan of turning a Blogger site into a full-blown website, but if money is tight, one can do much worse than using Blogger (proven out by all the sites I looked at). I've worked and reworked my (free) site to get it as optimal as possible, and while it's not perfect, at least everything isn't teeny tiny. The same people  advising everyone on Reddit how to market don't even bother to formulate a professional website.

Finally, among my spam emails the other day was this:

 

It continues on with more recommendations, but this was all I could screen capture. Very comprehensive recommendations! Hannah obviously did her homework!

Just one problem, as my response indicates:

Wow, thanks! But my initials are not J.C., and I have no idea what book you're talking about. But best of luck in your endeavors. 

I can take a lack of book sales (what alternative do I have?), bad reviews won't kill me (so far), but disrespect me and my work? Sorry, Hannah. Normally, I click "delete" on emails like this, but damn, at least get my book right...or my name...when you're plugging your worthless services.

I expected Hannah to just chalk her faux pas up as a lost cause, but no.  

"Oh dear, my apologies for the mix-up in my last message. That was entirely my mistake..."

Well, Hannah, it sure wasn't my mistake. 

 "...and I can understand why it felt off."

Hmmm, why would it "feel off"? What could it be?

"Thank you for taking the time to reply anyway.

The reason I reached out in the first place is that I specialize in helping authors expand their visibility and connect with the exact readers who would love their work most. I usually do this through things like:

Strategic Goodreads Listopia placements
Outreach to niche communities and blogs that match a book’s themes
Social media funneling to convert casual readers into dedicated fans
Book club and reader group engagement for long-term discoverability

If you’d be open, I’d love to learn more about your book(s) and share a short visibility snapshot tailored specifically to your work (no templates, just focused on your story and audience).

I really admire authors like you who put so much energy into their craft, and I’d be honored to support you in reaching more readers who will connect with your voice."

 

Yea, yea, cool, but you sure put a lot more work into your presentation for JC than you did for me. Now I really, really want to work with you!  

Honestly, I don't even know what Hannah is offering, because I stopped reading at "Dear J.C."

The lesson from this is that copy and paste is not your friend. Whatever Hannah actually does, I wouldn't trust it. She'd probably end up plugging someone else's book while pocketing my money.

So, this week I managed to learn one thing, discover another, and have a laugh.

All in all, not bad.