Knowing When to Say "When"

 

There's an online game I play sometimes when I'm bored that likes to put five random people in a race together, with the winner getting a small prize bundle. I never really cared all that much; I was playing against myself, not worried about a group of strangers, but the winnings would be nice and would allow me to play with a few bonus moves or a couple of free boosters.

After a while, I started to think, "Hey! I'm a pretty good player, but I never win!" In fact, I usually come in dead last. That's when it hit me ~ I wasn't competing against players of the same skill level. I was trying to move past Level 8773, while the others were on -- what? Level 10 or 11? And that's when I really began ignoring the "race". There was no way I could ever win.

That's how I'm feeling right now. 

No, book marketing isn't rigged, but there's no way I will win at it. And I'm not sure I want to keep playing. Are self-published authors with marketing money more successful than me? Of course they are. With money, I, too, could flood the zone, instead of debating whether to spend $20.00 on a promo. I could hire a publicist who'd guarantee that my book found its way into thousands of hands.

I've never worked so hard at anything in my life, for so little reward. Granted, I made some bad decisions, such as getting swept up in writing contests for a while, and I didn't try to find ARC readers before I published, although overall I've only ever gotten three or so reviews from ARC readers in the past, and three-to-four reviews isn't going to cut it.

I couldn't write a decent blurb for this novel if my life depended on it, maybe because there's no one "big thing" that happens, so if the story has a hook, I don't know what exactly it is. 

"Can you describe your book?"

"Well...uh...a bunch of things happen."

"But what does the main character want?"

"Beats me. It's not that kind of story."

If I try to list all the moves I've made, they'd go like this:

• I bought cheap promos (and unfortunately, a lot of them).
• I pushed the novel ad nauseum on social media and designed scores of Instagram stories. I even tried my hand at TikTok.
• I ran free promotions.
• I joined author organizations that allow writers to feature their books.
• I contacted book bloggers.
• I submitted to libraries.
• I entered writing contests.
• I sent out newsletters...well, a newsletter.
• I tried to figure out how to get wide distribution (the jury is still out) so my book would be available for stores to order.
• I rewrote my blurb at least ten times.
• I (now) redesigned my book cover.
• I completely renovated my website to make it more inviting and I added SEO.
• I revised my KDP keywords. 
• I created a paperback version.
• I enrolled the book in Kindle Unlimited 
• I created a dedicated Spotify playlist for the novel. 
• I published a couple of Substack posts and one or two on Goodreads.
• I bought Facebook ads. 

I'm sure I'm leaving some things out. And while the majority of these steps were free, I still managed to spend way too much money, money I couldn't afford to spend. And for what?

I was being facetious when I said the novel doesn't have a hook. It does have one, but it's not blurb-worthy. I've read blurbs for a lot of women's fiction novels (yes, I'm going with that term again), and I don't recall that even one of them had a big hook. That's not how the genre works. The main character doesn't set off on a journey to claim the...I don't know; the magic ruby. She is on a journey, but it's generally to claim herself. And things do happen, good and bad; things that propel her toward that goal.

We authors are adept at kidding ourselves. There are reasons for that. When the writing is flowing, we're often in awe of ourselves, amazed that we can do it; can pull it off. That's likely more true for a writer like me, who doesn't plan anything in advance. Ninety-nine per cent of the time when I was writing my novel, the ideas flowed seamlessly. That's a gift ~ not to say that I have a gift, but rather it was gift that was granted to me, if only for a moment in time. Why wouldn't I be excited about the finished product?

I keep trying to tell myself that it's not my writing that people are rejecting, because how would they know if it's good or bad? They'd have to actually experience it first, and only fourteen paid customers have. As for the thousand or so free copies floating around out there, if any of those takers have read the book, they certainly haven't made themselves known. 

Running From Herself is by far my best work, and it doesn't matter, except to me. Maybe that should be enough, but it's not.

I've done all I can do. There's not one single thing I can think of that I haven't already tried. So, where does that leave me? Well, the good news is, I'll continue to blog about my failures here, in the hope that (mainly) beginning writers can learn from my mistakes. But I'm done pushing this book. I surrender. I may slap up a post or two on Instagram from time to time when the mood strikes, just for something to do, knowing that nothing will come of it.

And yes, I'm done writing fiction. I have no desire to do it anymore. Could I top Running From Herself? Maybe; I do have the talent for it. But there's no point.

If by some miracle, something snaps into place with this novel, sure, I'd have an impetus to write again, but getting no acknowledgment hurts. I'm not some mercenary, pushing out books to grab a quick buck. If I was, I'd churn out romance novels. I nurture my stories, hover over them like a helicopter mom, guide them to maturity with a steady hand. Always worry about what's best for them. Then they grow up and turn out to be bums that no one can stand to be around. So, I'm pretty sure I don't want any more kids.

Never fear; I have tons of failure articles to publish, so this site won't go out of business anytime soon.