If It Wasn't for Spam Mail...

Despite my lack of commercial success, it's rare that everything is quiet on the promotion circuit. I generally have little ventures (key word "little) that claim my time, such as advertising on social media or some of my other time wasters ~ checking out book bloggers or entering some hopeless writing competition. If this keeps up, I'll be forced to work on that book trailer I keep saying I'll create. 

I'm down to laughing sardonically at the solicitations I receive via my website contact form. Does any writer actually fall for these? The latest one contained the salutation, "Hey dear". Come on! At least personalize your canned spiel. Tip for marketers: Anyone who calls me "dear" gets immediately dumped into my spam folder. This one did vary a bit from the norm. They offered to "maximize" my Goodreads profile. I wonder how they do that. Make the font bigger? Of all the sites I belong to, Goodreads is barely an afterthought. I used to care when I saw that someone had put one of my books on their reading list, until I realized that they either started the book and gave up or they did read it, but were too nice to leave a shitty review. (I do prefer the latter.)

Most of my contacts come from book marketers; you know, the people who want an easy side gig and decide to play the odds by sending out a thousand messages, hoping to snag one naive minnow. Unlike my Goodreads maximizer, these folks copy one of my book blurbs, then dump it into their AI generator to create a complimentary missive that (almost) reads as if they read the book. If I felt like stringing them along, I'd do what Alina Adams does and engage in a long conversation with them: "What did you think of the ending?" "Which character besides Karen did you enjoy the most?" "Who did you suspect was the stalker?"

I use Karen as my example because for some reason, all the marketers latch onto Inn Dreams, which isn't even my latest published work. But every one of them really loves it! On Amazon it only averages 3.4 stars, but those readers don't have the expertise that experienced book marketers have. Alas, though, how much money am I going to spend marketing a novella?

All my contacts, either via my website or on social media are eager to publicize my work. So flattering! They're fighting over me!  

At one time I felt rude simply ignoring them. I needed to explain that I couldn't afford their services (not that I wanted them). Screw that. They're invading my space; I didn't invite them. I've gotta hand it some of them, though; they're insistent. When I don't respond to their DM, they'll come back with "Hello?" Some even go on to explain how very, very valuable their services are, and that my career will die if I don't take advantage of their expertise. Except how valuable can they be, when all the majority of them do is create social media posts for a book? I can do that myself for free. (And my career is incapable of being revived anyway.)

A few of them offer to make a "cinematic" book trailer. Again, free free free. Dopes. And I won't even use AI to make mine.

It's my own fault; if I didn't advertise on social media, they'd never find my website or have the chance to DM me. Between DM's and email, I like the emails the best. With an email, they really get to strut their stuff. "I’m part of several highly active book clubs composed of thousands of  engaged readers." That must be exhausting! How does "Clara" find the time to go to all those book club meetings? In between reading each club's selection, I mean? I'm shocked she had time to dash off an email. "Also, I’d love to know: What makes your book unique?" Well, you tell me, Clara! Voracious reader that you are! You did read my book, right?

My brief study of these marketers informs me that they all charge around $175.00, up to $320.00 for the deluxe package (give or take). So, if they manage to hook even one gullible writer, there's grocery money! Know what my royalties are so far for June? $1.31. Clearly, I'm in the wrong business. I've already kicked myself for not starting my own book promo site, and now I find there's an even more low-effort enterprise I'm not taking advantage of.  

I suppose I shouldn't only pick on book marketing spammers. My band hasn't been active in years, and just a month ago, I received an email asking the band to audition for placement on live radio (as opposed to what ~ dead radio?) Scratch any creative pursuit and you'll find a million scammers under it; scavengers; buzzards. Bottom feeders. 

And maybe I'm being too harsh. Without my spammers, my days would be even quieter than they are now.