An Author's Evolutionary Mindset

When I uploaded Running From Herself to KDP and got it ready for pre-release, I knew it was damn good and I wasn't about to devalue it by attaching a bargain basement price. In fact, I went with $4.99 for the ebook, which was two dollars more than my other two novels. I was still cognizant of an obscure writer's struggles to sell, but $4.99 seemed reasonable.

Then I began examining promo sites. Most, of course, want free books, but if an author refuses to make her book free, $2.99 is the upper limit, unless one wants to pay a fortune for a promo and they don't want any sales. Thus, I reluctantly went back into KDP and reduced the novel's price. That didn't work at all. In fact, nothing I did worked.

How well I remember declaring on this blog that I would never give my book away. It was a matter of pride. $0.00 books are worth $0.00, and it smacks of desperation by a writer who has no business publishing her slop to begin with. My novel isn't slop.

But after almost two months of absolutely nothing ~ no movement, no interest ~ the name of this blog clung to me like stubborn mildew that I'd be forced to drag along with me forever. It's not as if publishing for me was ever about money. Sure, money would be nice, but it wasn't something I counted on. Making tons of money from sales is a fever dream (at least for me). I have ten other published works that give lie to that hallucination. I just wanted someone, or better yet, a bunch of someones to recognize this novel's excellence. And yea, it's my final book, which makes the stakes higher.

Thus, I finally acquiesced and purchased a FreeBooksy promotion. While the results were great (same with the second promotion), my only win was to my psyche. 

An article I found listed common writers' insecurities:

"The details of your own insecurities might vary a bit, but try to ask yourself questions such as:

• Do I have doubts about the quality of my writing?
• Am I suffering from impostor syndrome?
• Do I feel embarrassed to share my writing?
• Am I worried nobody will buy my book (or react to my blog post)?
• Do I compare myself to other writers?"

1. I don't doubt the quality of my writing as much as I wonder how interesting my stories are. They're interesting to me, or else I wouldn't write them, but am I an outlier? 

2. I can't suffer from imposter syndrome, because that term denotes success that a writer feels she doesn't deserve. I've had no success.

3. I do not share my writing with anyone I know; not because its quality is bad, but because I would know immediately if the person didn't like it, regardless of what they said. My potential embarrassment is something I'm not willing to risk.

4. Obviously I'm worried no one will buy my book. Basically, no one has.

5. I compare myself to other writers' success, not to their ability. (I probably shouldn't say this, but the article I've linked to is not well written, although its points are cogent.) While I'm well aware that a book's success depends on lots of factors outside my control, I can't escape my resentment.

I've kind of gone off the reservation here, away from the pricing aspect, but the two ~ insecurity and pricing ~ are actually interrelated. While it's true that probably none of the almost 2,000 people who grabbed my free book will read it, they still wanted it.

More than anything, an author wants to be wanted.