But It's Gotta Work, Right? The Same Old Book Marketing Advice

I tend to cast a jaundiced eye on most book marketing advice. And the fact that it's all recycled tells me that people are writing advice articles either for pay or for some kind of perceived clout. If I read "newsletter" one more time, I'm going to vomit. Oh, and not just newsletters, but "reader magnets". Come on. The fact that some would-be author dashed off a pukey short story isn't going to convince me to subscribe to their newsletter. Are readers really that gullible?

I haven't had a lot of favorite authors over the years, because, frankly, most of the authors I liked weren't prolific enough to become favorites. There was one or two, though. I kept buying their books because I liked their writing. I didn't subscribe to their newsletters; I doubt they even had a newsletter. I wasn't looking to "get to know them"; I just wanted to read their books.

For a generation that eschews personal relationships, there seems to be a whole lot of people who want to be involved in an author's personal life. So they say. But they say a lot of things that I don't think are true.

One of my favorite books of all time might have been that author's only book. (I think she did some kind of textbooks or something, but those don't count.) She didn't turn her novel into a series and publish a new book every couple of months. Can't we just like something that's "one thing"? Is it consumerism that's driving the whole series obsession? I didn't care about what happened to the author's main character once the story was done ~ because it was done. Fini. End of story. Good lord, people.

Luckily for the author, she didn't self-publish. Her title was obscure and her book cover was boring and bland. Had she been forced to market the novel herself, it wouldn't have been a blockbuster and made into a TV mini-series. She'd be reduced to buying FreeBooksy ads and hoping someone would snatch the book for free and leave a positive review. (Good luck.)

Of course, maybe the hackneyed marketing advice might have worked for her, although the odds were against her from the start, considering her book was a standalone. (Standalone books are the work of the devil.) She could have started a newsletter and told people about her writing process. "Well, first I brew a pot of tea and then I reach inside my drawer for my lucky pen, and then..."

Had social media existed, she would have peppered it with witty, intriguing quotes and reels of her daily walks to the bookstore. She might even do a reel with a goofy dance. Fans would be swarming! 

She'd create a Facebook ad from Canva, spend the little bit she could afford and get thousands of clicks, and best of all, sales. 

These are all tried and true winners. Trust me; everyone says so. Or, like some posters on Reddit, she could publish her novel with no fanfare; do absolutely nothing, and sell a hundred copies the first day. It's gotta be true! Reddit says so!

I'm going to go with, yes, these things do work. Everyone can't be lying, can they? Or can they? The caveat is, these things work for some people. No one ever hears from the millions of people for whom nothing works. You know, people like me.

Success in writing is not derived from the actual writing. So many other things go into being successful that the writing is an afterthought. "I didn't intend to write a book, but suddenly it was finished and I slapped it up on Amazon just for fun. Guess what! It's a hit!"

Success in writing derives from the cover, maybe the blurb, although that's questionable. Series, series, series. You gotta write a series! Ideally, make it eight or ten books long. Just crank 'em out. You don't have to put a lot, or any thought into them. No one cares! Typos? Misspellings? Don't waste your time correcting them. You gotta move!

Only fools try to write a good book. And fools get exactly what they deserve.