My Search for Cover Formatting Continues

I'm getting to the point at which I don't much care about creating a paperback anymore. Trying to either figure out how to do it myself or finding someone to format my cover is proving impossible. Contrary to Google's AI, Atticus does not format covers; I asked them. 

While I don't consider myself dumb, trying to follow KDP's instructions is hopeless. They offer a template one can download based on an estimate of the cover size needed, but what am I supposed to do with it once I download it? Someone somewhere said to overlay the cover image, but I don't have a program that allows me to overlay anything. And I'm not buying one for a one-time need.

I ran across a person on Reddit (on a two-year-old post) who does cover formatting, so I contacted her. She wants a copy of my cover, but Reddit doesn't allow any attachments in its messaging, so...? I'm really beginning to feel like a complete incompetent; I can't seem to do or understand anything.

Then on the KBoards I found another old post that advised someone to click on KDP's cover creator and insert their own image into it. The last time I looked at that feature was about five years ago, and at that time it didn't allow modification of its rudimentary covers. And even if it does now, how will the result come out to the right size? Every book is different, depending on the number of pages.

I tell myself if I just think things through, I can figure this out. I've always been terrible at math, relying on either a calculator or my fingers, but if complete dolts can understand it, why can't I? 

The whole KDP instructional direction is something I've been railing against forever. Just simplify it! If my book is a certain number of pages and I want a certain size paperback, (I'll even throw in the "trim" thing), tell me how big my cover has to be in pixels (not inches). Why do I need to download a template that I can't do anything with? 

See why I've lost interest? Some things are just unsolvable. 

I also don't get how one adds back matter; you know, like a normal paperback has. A book blurb, in other words. It's just too much, especially for what is basically a vanity project. I just wanted a physical book I could hold in my hands. I've never had one; all my work is digital.

The only other suggestion I've found is to hire someone from Fiverr, but the poster's caveat was to check the finished product to make sure it's right. I've gambled on Fiverr before, and was thoroughly disappointed. You'd think one could Google, "Where can I get a paperback cover formatted?" and find some results. Well, you can't. It must be a very rare talent.

As of now, I'm taking a break from...everything. The ebook is uploaded and it won't be published for three more weeks. I humbled myself and sent out a newsletter. I did a couple of posts (on Goodreads and Substack), and that's really all I can do. There's no point in advertising a book that's not even published yet. (Although I have no idea where I'd advertise it anyway.)

Once the book finds no traction, I'll probably discount it and do some promos, but that's a ways down the line. And by then I'll be looking for something to do, since I'm pretty positive my writing days are done.