Re-Evaluating

A lot of people have creative pursuits, but most don't send their creations out into the world. Self-published authors obviously do, or they'd be called non-published authors. I've lately come to admit to myself that I hate being judged. 

There are a few ways published authors are judged:

1. Negative reviews, obviously.

2. So-so reviews.

3. No one buys their book.

I've gotten some great reviews, but rather than filling me with self-confidence, I find myself questioning the reviewers' tastes. If my book is so wonderful, what accounts for the bad reviews?

I've soured on some of my books due to negativity. While I should feel proud of my accomplishments, I instead want to unpublish some (or most?) of my works. Out of the eleven, I'd maybe keep three or four.

I'm initially a poor judge of my own work. When a book is finally ready for publishing, I'm excited! My best one ever! I proclaim to myself. And I really think that. Then, when no one buys it or worse, it gets some bad reviews, I'm forced to admit that I was delusional.

The fact is, I'm just not good at this. 

I think what unsuccessful authors like me do is, we become enamored with our ability to write a complete story. While we're in the midst of it, we pat ourselves on the back ~ Ahh! Great line! I'm really good at this! I've done that so many times, only to learn, once the book is out in the world, that most people think it sucks. Then I start questioning myself. Where did I go wrong? Is it the plot? The main character?

But for the fact that I enjoy writing, I would have quit long ago. If I publish a new novel, though, won't I be disappointed (in myself) again? One may ask, then why do you publish? Well, what else am I supposed to do with my writing? Store it on my hard drive just because? At least by publishing, I have a record of having done something. 

The only good news is that I've never invested more than a few dollars in my publishing venture. Unlike those cocksure writers who spend a thousand dollars just on a book cover, not to mention however much an editor costs, investment was the one aspect I got right. With my current novel, I briefly toyed with the idea of hiring a cover designer (you know, because this novel is so wonderful, just like all the others), but reality struck home. I'm not a gambler. I won't spend money on a losing proposition. I'll come up with a free cover, and that'll be good enough.

After that, I'm most likely done with this hobby. I've been beaten into submission.