Down Days

I try hard not to wallow. Once a person succumbs to that, it becomes self-perpetuating, and who enjoys being depressed? But maybe it's okay to give in to feeling down once in a while. On the one hand, this past week has left me overwhelmed with "tasks", yet on the other, nothing in my writing world is happening, at least nothing good.

On a humorous note, I finally got around to searching out photos and video of the venue depicted in my novel, and wow! The scene I wrote this week could not have been more off the mark. What's not so funny is that I will need to completely rewrite it. There goes a whole writing session, and I get very few of those nowadays. Yes, it would have been a good idea to research beforehand, but I had thoughts I wanted to get down before they vanished and my writing time was limited, so I just dived in. 

Not so funny is knowing I blew the one possible chance I had at success. And that's where the "tasks" come into play. I've analyzed how the talent agent who contacted me must have reacted to my response. Her email arrived on Wednesday, and I replied that I'd love to talk with her...the following Tuesday. I probably should have explained the delay ~ that someone else's appointments (that I'm expected to attend) have claimed almost every single free day I have. I should have communicated that I live with someone who's apparently incapable of independent action, and that I'm his de facto mother. Devoid of any explanation, the agent naturally assumed I was "sort of" interested, but not really. So she moved on. This opportunity will never come again, so there you go.

I keep telling myself I need to forget about it, but I can't. I hold onto the tiny hope that she'll still call on Tuesday, even though she's now ghosted me, and that maybe she just assumed that I understood her silence as agreement. (I know that's not true.)

But then I thought, what the heck did she see in that particular book in the first place? I mean, it's okay, but not exactly movie material. Maybe I thought she was legit, but it was a psyop. Yes, she's listed on trusted professional sites, but perhaps that's the genius of the scam (LOL).

Either way, I'm back to being a failed novelist with no new sales of any of my books, and waning interest in the one I'm writing. I kept plugging away on it, believing it had potential, but I think I'm just being delusional. Right now I have zero interest in continuing.

Sometimes life truly sucks.